My name is Chuk. I have struggled with many addictions and struggles in my life that has caused me so much grief and heartache in my relationships. I have been addicted to pornography, gaming and I have abused alcohol and drugs.
I suffered from depression, was prone to aggressive behaviour (passive as well as physical) and have been unfaithful. My life was once dominated with hate and anger. My addictive and destructive personality was going to lead me to prison or to the grave.
The saddest thing of all was that I did not care which one it was. I was hurting and felt empty, I was prepared to try everything in a vain attempt to feel and be fulfilled. The cause of my pain to begin in my early years, beyond my control.
The pain of losing a mother at 18 that triggered my excessive alcohol/drug consumption, the pain of witnessing domestic violence as a child for many years, the pain of being separated from my mother because I was in full time boarding school in another country during my formative years
The pain of abandonment when my mother died while my father was in detention, the pain of reliving the last words I heard from my mother on the telephone “Chu Chu I will see you tomorrow morning” (Chu Chu was the nickname she gave me), she died of a cardiac arrest on the way to the airport.
My early years were soaked in fear, violence, uncertainty and misogyny. That had caused me to become a very insecure individual afraid of displaying real emotions, afraid of sharing intimacy, afraid of failure….simply afraid.
For years I could mask the pain and fear behind an elaborate wall but once I found Gemma (now my wife) or more aptly, once God placed the woman I would spend the rest of my life with in my path, my road to redemption began! I was so hurt that the file on my life had been archived with the highest classification.
It was going to take a supernatural effort to free me from the prison I had built around myself and it would require the most loving enduring cell mate (my wife) at my side to help me follow the perfect escape plan orchestrated by God.
Today Gemma still helps me to follow that plan and I can say with certainty that I am free! I have been free from alcohol and drugs for many years. I am free from the hate, the anger, the passive aggressiveness and the violence that once dominated my life. I am free from the addiction to gaming and pornography.
Now when I say free from pornography, I mean it no longer masters me. This does not mean that the cravings are gone. I discipline myself by not having an iphone, tablet or a personal laptop and although this prevents me from accessing the internet, the real work is what Christ is doing inside me.
On very irregular occasions I do relapse, however the distance between each relapse is months as opposed to days, praise God!
The wonderful thing is that my wife supports me in this battle and has witnessed the transformation of her husband from spiritual decay to spiritual revival. My brothers and sisters, the best is yet to come for us all! So how did I become free?
First, I cried out to God, this was not pretty but it shouldn't have to be. I poured out my heart to God; the good, the bad and the ugly. Though He knew them all, there was healing and deep intimacy with the Almighty God during that process which is still the case!
Second, Christ gave me the strength through His Holy Spirit to forgive those who had hurt me. This was difficult, but wow the effects are life changing! The heavy long chains of anger, hurt, pain, grief, were broken and they continue to fall away till this day.
So, I am starting this blog to share how I am overcoming the trails of this life through the strength of Jesus. If pouring out my heart can help just one person turn their life around, then I have been blessed.
Even if this is not received well, I am still blessed because I have done what God has asked me to do. I am to share testimonies or a word about topics that often gets overlooked in our church or society.
I will be open about the things we may suffer in silence and together we can break the hold they have on our life. John tells us that “In Him was life and the life was the light to all men. And the light shines in the darkness and the darkness did not comprehend it”. We shall overcome the darkness in the name of Jesus.
As this community grows, I will place more in this section. I will also place news of the charity I will be building in the near future here!
Life is a journey we are on our way to Christ. Together, with a hand extended to a brother or sister, we can navigate our way through the complexities and trials of this life. When i fall you pick me up and when i fall you will pick me up. Please contact me via the contact for if you want to pray and discuss anything I have mentioned in more detail. Your brother in Christ, Chuk.